#1: Stop ignoring your child while you shop.

I worked in retail management for almost thirteen years (yes, I’m mildly insane), and I’ve seen it all. Nothing beats the time that I had it out with a customer because while she was on one side of the store looking at jeans (that were obviously too small), her son was on the other side using one of our “reach” sticks to pull a sign down off of the wall. Behavior like that was something that I saw on a regular basis. “Watch yo’ kids!”

Doing serious hardcore shopping with a child under the age of ten is next to impossible – Trust me, I know. The kid gets bored – which is understandable – and without a distraction like a toy or handheld game, your child  will find something to get into… much to the chagrin of the sales associate.

[Just in case you weren’t aware: pulling down clothes, crawling into racks and jumping out at customers, and riding on clothes racks are all examples of unacceptable behavior in a retail establishment.]

I don’t care how “good” you think your child is. Most under the age of four can’t resist committing a questionable act as soon as your eyes have locked in on those cute suede wedges.

#2: Watch your cellphone usage…

I don’t care that your dad’s gout flared up while he was out at dinner when he ate some shellfish by accident and then he couldn’t wear his shoes home because his feet got swollen. Personally I think that touchy conversations such as that should be saved for the car or your home. You never know who’s listening. Why would you want your business out there?

Oh, and it kills me when said woman chooses to have an “angry” conversation in public. This was a real telephone conversation that I heard yesterday at the gas station:
“I’ma whup that ho [expletive] when I see her! She knew Craig and I had a thing that one time.”
I’m embarrassed for you…

#3: Stop letting your significant other tongue you down or feel you up.

Now you know darn well that when you were single that you didn’t want to see that mess. Just because you have a man now does not make it acceptable for you to swap fluids in front of me or my children. We all know your relationship is new given the hand-holding, nuzzling and annoying giggling. We’ve all been there. I’d rather not relive it through you… (Am I “hating”? Maybe a little.)

#4: Stop walking around looking like someone stole your bike.

We’ve all seen it: That woman walking around with that perpetual scowl on her face being mean to sales clerks and manhandling the merchandise. No, I don’t know what your circumstances are, but if they have you to a point where you’re out and about and can’t at least be cordial, then you need to stay at home – not out buying Victoria’s Secrets.

#5: Stop walking around looking like someone rode OVER you with a bike.

No, I shouldn’t judge, and I get it – you don’t give a crap. But please make sure your clothes are at least free of holes before you leave the house… and a comb through the hair wouldn’t hurt either.

I know you’re reasoning may be that you’re not trying to impress anyone while running to the store, but you never know who you may see. If you’re a small business woman running out on an errand, you could possibly come across you next client. You wouldn’t want your pink foam curlers and “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt to be his/her first impression.




  1. […] and I seem to find ourselves pretty much on the same “cyber-page”, if you will. We both hate seeing unsupervised kids. We both hate seeing kids whose mothers do nothing to control their children and just repeat a […]

  2. February 23, 2013 at 6:34 am — Reply

    I love #5. I recently found an awesome grocery store near me that sells national brands really cheap. Naturally a lot of the shoppers there when I shop (during the day, I'm a SAHM) are retired folk on a TIGHT budget. But I don't think that's any excuse to go to the store in slippers and sweat pants that are five inches too short.

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