Guest blogger Kieron Casey shares some of the hilarious things that his children have said.


Children’s use of language is a constant source of amusement as they learn what phrases mean and what is socially acceptable to say out loud. The early years are a wonderful expressive time, and I would never stop a child from speaking their mind, but sometimes you just wish they knew how to whisper… Editing their rapid thought processes before verbalizing is definitely not a strong point!

I have two small children, ages six and four, and I love to write down some of the things they say to me, my friends and other members of the family. Here are a few which I think you might like…

To Great Grandma who is in her nineties:

Grandma, why doesn’t your skin fit you properly anymore?

To the dancing teacher before a show:

Don’t give me makeup tips, I know about glitter you know.

To Grandma when walking on an icy path together holding hands:

Don’t fall on top of me Grandma. You’ll squash all my juices out.

At the ballet in a very loud voice:

Mummy, did Daddy lift you up over his head like that when you got married?

In a very quiet formal restaurant to the waiter about the chef’s special dessert:

It’s edible.

To Mummy at the crack of dawn while wielding a helium balloon in the shape of a chicken:

Say good morning to Mr. Chicken Mummy!

When eating Mummy’s Olay and deciding it’s not good:

This yogurt is definitely off.

To Daddy during a quiet moment:

When will you die? I will miss you when you die.

At the slimming club eyeballing the larger waistline of the lady behind us in the queue to be weighed:

You have a very fat tummy, you’d better take your shoes off!


On one level, hearing children say things like this can be the source of great amusement, but on another, it can be incredibly embarrassing. Their lack of social mores occasionally sounds like something that could come from a TV show scripted by Ricky Gervais. Having to apologize a lot to strangers and elderly family members alike is something that I guess comes with the territory.

I will often blush from sheer social awkwardness caused by some of the situations they put me in, but when the moment is over there are few things greater in the world than thinking about what the kids have said earlier and laughing out loud about it. I can’t wait to tell them of all the crazy things they used to say when they have grown up. Hopefully these memories – when they are both adults – will embarrass them as much as they have embarrassed me.

That said, I wouldn’t change a thing they say or how they act, and in all honesty, I wish I had the temerity to say some of the things that they do!




Do you have one that tops these? We’d love to see it in the comments!


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