Our celebrity feature this week is brought to you by a hilarious writer out of LA – Lynn Maleh.
Lynn has brilliantly broken down the epidemic widely known as “Bieber Fever”. Is your teenaged daughter referencing Justin as “The Biebs”? Are his albums in constant rotation on her ipod? She probably has “Bieber Fever”. Lynn Maleh will tell you how to deal.

beiber-fever

Definition

Since the Canadian boy heartthrob hit the pop scene, Bieber-fever has become a worldwide phenomenon. Though its diagnosis isn’t an exact science, it’s not hard to tell whether your child has caught on. So if the bedroom Bieber posters are multiplying and your daughter’s relationship with the pop star has grown from like, to love, to die for… maybe it’s time to reassess the situation.

While some may argue that Bieber-fever is chronic, there’s no doubt there are ways of mitigating the symptoms, if not for your child, at least for your relationship with him/her.

Symptoms

  • Hoarding Bieber paraphernalia
  • Playing Bieber albums on repeat
  • Following Bieber’s every move via Facebook, Twitter, and other online media
  • Experiencing Bieber sweats
  • Admiring and/or donning only side swept haircuts
  • Crafting Selena Gomez Voodoo Dolls
  • Delusions of intimate relationships with The Biebs
  • Using such terminology as “The Biebs”

Who’s at Risk

  • Pre-teens (commonly known as “tweens”)
  • Teens
  • Moms
  • Brunions (Bros on the outside, soft, intricate, sensitive layers on the inside)

Causes

Recent studies have shown that musical tastes form within the teenage years. Ever wonder why your mom can’t stop humming the Beatles? It’s because these tastes are formed while the brain is still being developed and easily get trapped in lifelong neural pathways.

In addition to being the most neurally formative years, the pre-teen and teen years mark the sexual awakening of many females. Having a crush on a celebrity is an easy way to first express these emotions openly, without risking vulnerability. According to Professor and Chair of Sociology at Westminster
College in Salt Lake City, “A lot of girls I know practiced their first kiss on a poster. I don’t think that’s changed at all.”

Risk Factors

Remember: this is no laughing matter. Just last month, 50 Norwegian Bieber-fans were injured during a Bieber concert frenzy. Even the pop star agrees (via tweet), while he may want you to keep bopping to his jams, “your safety must come first…”

Treatment

Bieber restrictions:

Some parents find treatment in having Bieber-free nights, where children are prohibited from following Bieber online, listening to his music, discussing his whereabouts, or watching Bieber footage on TV.

Earplugs:

Earplugs work wonders for parents of Bieber-fevered children.

Embracing Bieber:

Embracing Justin Bieber and all that he entails can keep you in the loop of your children’s lives. As you would support them in athletics or the arts, it is essential to stay afloat of your children’s passions. Learning more about Bieber, his music, and his personal life will give you something to talk about with your teens during their most difficult years. Bieber’s transition into adulthood can be a great segue into discussing more adult matters, like alcohol, drugs, and sex. If you don’t know where to start for Bieber facts, stats, and going-ons, check out Fanlala’s Bieber page for everything you need to know.

Discussing the realities:

Yes, you may have come to terms with Bieber being another member of your family in some sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy for your child to run away with his/her fantasies. Make sure your children understand the impossibilities of having real-life relationships with celebrities, like Bieber. If possible, help them understand that the Bieber they see on television is a product, carefully groomed and packaged by people with tons of money who have vested interest in ensuring that Bieber appeals to the tween demographic. Explain that true love is two-sided, and one day, someone even worthier of their hearts will come their way.

Prevention

Keep your children away from pop television and social media as long as you possibly can. Just because they were born in the internet-era doesn’t mean they don’t deserve dirty-kneed backyard childhoods. And keep them away from those snarky girls on the playground – you know the ones I’m talking about.

 

2 Comments

  1. July 12, 2012 at 4:07 am — Reply

    This is going to be required reading in our homeschool, as we are not Beliebers, but Directioners. I have been on for a month(on blog and off) about 1D being a marketed product and what you don't see is the real human beings. Thanks girls for providing this scientific analysis as mine has been my own "annoying because I am the mom" opinion.

    • July 12, 2012 at 8:34 am — Reply

      Ha! No problem. Glad we could break it down.
      I'm all about having a teen crush. (Scott Baio was mine. lol.) but these girls have taken it to a whole new level. With the advent of Twitter and all of these other social networks, the teeny boppers now have the ability to form unhealthy cyber stalking habits. Smh

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