Facts That Prove That One-Year-Olds Are Cold Calculating Heartless Creatures… That You Can’t Help But To Love
We have what I’d like to call a “reading corner” in the living room of our home. In that reading corner stands an old hand-me-down bookshelf. The bottom two shelves of this bookshelf are neatly stacked with board books and kid appropriate games, and the top two shelves are known to the kids as “mommy and daddy’s books”; which are off limits.
My kid’s favorite pastime is to go over to the neatly stocked reading corner after I’ve straightened it and hurl every one of their books onto the floor. Then they sit in the middle of the book mountain and “read” each book. Cute as it may sound, it can be quite annoying after having straightened the corner for the eighth time that day.
Toddlers, I’ve discovered, have tons of weird idiosyncrasies that have led me to believe that there are some cold cold hearts beating in those tiny little chests.
The following are six facts to support my theory:
• They run away from inanimate objects like garbage bags and vacuum cleaners but bravely fight and win against a large unfortunate cricket that inadvertently made its way into the house. R.I.P. MR. Cricket.
• They take all of my large pots, bowls, and strainers out of my pot, bowl, strainer cabinet, wear them as battle helmets, and then leave them strategically placed around the house for their mother and father to trip over.
• They dance cheerily while Sara Mclachlan sings a sad song about saving beaten and bruised animals on the ASPCA commercial.
• In obvious acts of martyrdom, they put miscellaneous pieces of carpet lint, hair balls, insect carcasses (poor Mr. Cricket), and anything else that they can find on the floor into their mouths, which subsequently freaks the crap out of their poor mother.
• In a known Chinese torture technique, they repeatedly put the top onto a plastic container that they can’t remove then shriek in frustration until you help them remove it. They do this over… and over… and over…
• They take off their diaper in the middle of the night and then look at you sweetly when you walk into the room the next morning – Your only thoughts being where in the world you should begin in your sanitation attempt.
This is only the tip of the iceberg.
With all that being said, there must be some truth in the statement that “there’s nothing like a mother’s love” because despite all of these things, I love those little boogers anyway.