…This isn’t for the faint of heart.
Many times people ask me how it was to carry twins. My responses are often marked with expletives as I recount the final months of which my body went through the most change. It was horrifying for me more so than others I believe. Since I could remember I had weighed the same, and looked at the same body in the mirror for decades. I was lucky, if not blessed to not have dealt with the “freshmen fifteen” or the inevitable weight gain that so many of my friends had. Good genes I guess. To see my body stretch and contort to those unbelievable proportions to accommodate two little people inside was at times overwhelming. The thought of what my body would look like after giving birth would sometimes bring me to tears.
The day after the twins were born, I took a picture of my hospital room in order to preserve the memory and my reflection was caught in the mirror. All I saw was my swollen belly. “Did you all forget to take a child out?” I asked the nurse half jokingly. “It’ll take as long as it took for you to grow those babies for you to lose that tummy,” she told me cheerfully. That wasn’t very comforting. I wanted my body back now. It appeared that it was gone forever. I felt guilty for caring. My body had done what, statistically, many women’s body’s couldn’t – carry two children full term. I should have been proud of my battle scars.
Now, ten months later; after a one month attempt at breastfeeding and subsequent occasional attempts at crunches, I’m beginning to see the body of Kesha past. It will never be the same though, and I’m beginning to accept that. I wanted to write this post and reveal my body after twins because instead of feeling insecure, I wanted to begin to embrace the beauty of what the human body – my body – is capable of enduring. Hopefully I can be an inspiration to someone else who’s self image has changed due to child birth.
I still have a lot of work to do in the way of accepting my body as it is now. My husband Will took these pictures… And if you’d believe it, this was one of the only times in almost a year that he’s seen me without a shirt on.
All in all, I’m proud of these pictures. Not because of how I look… but because of the journey that I took to get there.