So my wife is now 8 months pregnant. She’s about as big around as she is tall. Swollen to almost bursting. I have to bite my tongue holding back the laughter when she tries to get out of bed. It’s just that she looks so much like a cockroach turned upside down, flailing about and yet not moving anywhere. I should probably jump to help her (which I do eventually), but it’s fun to enjoy this bulkier, less limber version of my wife every now and again. It’s nice to be needed a lot more…

Our first son decided to come 6 weeks early, much to the frustration of my wife. She was three weeks away from her college graduation, two weeks away from finals. We had planned his birth perfectly to fall after all of these events occurred. But I guess that’s what you learn first when you become a parent: you’re really not the one in charge (though it’s a nice thought). So, since we never really experienced the last month and a half of pregnancy the first go around, this past month has been a bit of a new experience…

Mainly Tums. They get more action than I do these days. The second my wife lays down to bed and I snuggle up to her, she immediately gasps out her other lover’s name: TUMS! For the past two weeks she’s chomped down at least two every night. I had no idea that heartburn could really occur so often or so violently. I used to try to stop her from eating certain foods at certain times of the evening, all out of love – I hate seeing her in so much pain at night – but trying to talk food sense to a woman with cravings is not exactly good on a relationship. She gets this fire in her eyes, and a look of “Oh if this is so easy, why don’t you try doing it”, so I just keep the pantry full of Tums. I mean, if nothing else, it’s making sure she’s getting plenty of calcium, and won’t end up like my sweet, but old, bent-in-half grandmother. Not that I wouldn’t love her if she was bent over (this is a constant disclaimer I have to throw in anytime I reference my wife’s figure.) That’s another thing first-time dad’s should know. No matter what, your wife is going to feel absolutely hideous and cow-like when she’s pregnant. Don’t even JOKE along with her when she makes these comments. Always reassure her that she is the most gorgeous thing in the world. Otherwise, she’ll end up in a puddle of “you don’t love me’s” and “you think I’m ugly’s” on the floor.

But, beyond Tums, the other differences are just a lot more massages…back, legs, feet…you name it. Oh and the bathroom. We’ll go on a ten minute walk, and will have to find a bathroom half way through it. It’s interesting knocking on neighbor’s doors not for your potty-training toddler, but rather for your wife’s untamed bladder. But that’s a fun part of pregnancy to play with. Just make your wife laugh, and she’ll be racing to the bathroom. I try to do it in the remotest of places. And she knows I do it on purpose, which makes her laugh even harder. I wouldn’t consider it torture, really. Maybe it is. All I know is seeing her waddling around holding herself, trying to keep everything in is probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Yep, this month has been different, but still, very entertaining.

Devon is a Freelance Writer for the LDWriters Network. Writers from the network would like to recommend Gelish Nails.


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