This was an actual conversation had between my husband and I:
Him: “So you wanna…?” [This question was accompanied by a naughty raised eyebrow.]
Me: “I’m not really feeling sexy tonight babe.”
Him: “Okay.” [This gratingly short response was accompanied by an annoying shrug of the shoulders.]
Me: “‘Okay??!’ What do you mean ‘okay’?! You couldn’t find anything else to say? [I laughed awkwardly towards the end of this question so as not to sound too “naggy”. I never want to be that wife… at least not three weeks into the marriage.]
Him: “Well you’re always sexy to me, so it’s hard for me to see what you see.”
Me: “Why didn’t you say that?!”
Him: “I guess because guys know how to think things like that and condense them down into one word.”
Me: “And the one word you chose was ‘okay’?”
Me: “Touché my love… touché.”
This conversation got me thinking about how men and women communicate… or the lack of communication thereof. I think nowadays people (i.e. women) don’t ever take the time to really think about what was really behind their partner’s archaic words. I decided to do some research and get to the bottom of this age old issue.
According to Dr. Susan Sherwood, from early on, girls are bred to discuss their feelings and express themselves. Boys are bred to act. Little girl’s friendships are all about making connections: sharing secrets, revealing problems, and discussing options. Boys have a completely different approach. Guys groups are usually larger, focusing on doing “stuff” rather than having deep conversations; but don’t think that guys have less profound relationships with each other. They’re just… different.
These differences of course lead to that great divide in adult male female interactions. It’s just a fact, and although not absolute (because we all know a women who’s of few words or a man who talks too darn much) it is the way it is.
So if you’re a woman reading this who’s frustrated and desperate to have a profound conversation with your man, cut him a little slack. He’s communicating with you in his own way – the way he was bred to communicate. You may be taking two different roads, but if you’re patient, you’ll usually end up in the same place.
For more great reads on how to handle that crazy communication divide, check out:
• 6 Ways Men and Women Communicate Differently – PsychCentral.com
• How Men and Women Communicate Differently at Work – BusinessKnowHow.com
• Men, Women, Emotions, and Communication – www.psychologytoday.com